


Disease and Danger Wrapped in Darkness and Silence

by KingHippiedude (missreader)



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Tarsus IV, implied - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-13
Updated: 2015-05-29
Packaged: 2018-01-24 13:45:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1607270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missreader/pseuds/KingHippiedude
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim disappears while on shore-leave and requests medical assistance when he returns to the ship. McCoy worries, with good reason.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Shore Leave (POV Bones)

**Author's Note:**

> This story deals with the immediate aftermath of a rape, and there are heavy implications of previous rapes of the same character while he was underage. Be warned. This is not a fluffy story, though it is likely to have a happy ending because I'm writing it.

Leonard couldn’t find Jim anywhere. This in itself was nothing unusual. Jim had a tendency to disappear for hours on the ship, distracted by something he found intriguing. He also had a tendency to arrive late for nearly everything. But Jim was nearly an hour late now, and Leonard hadn’t heard anything from him, nor had Spock or Scotty seen him. It was unlike Jim to be so tardy when it came to something as important as a scheduled rendezvous to beam aboard the Enterprise while on shore-leave. Leonard and Jim were supposed to meet and beam back together to work the second shift as part of the skeleton crew and relieve some of the other crewmen to enjoy their leave. At first, Leonard assumed that Jim had beamed up ahead of him, as he was impatient to work on something in engineering before they left. However, when Leonard didn’t find Jim aboard the ship, he began to worry. Jim wasn’t answering his comm, and he hadn’t been seen by any member of the crew sense the previous night when he disappeared from a local bar, possibly with a stranger, though no one could confirm this detail for certain because it had been so crowded, and none of them were anywhere near sober by that point in the night.

Leonard was just about to return to the planet and hunt Jim down himself when his comm suddenly came back online. Instead of requesting a beam-up from the Enterprise, Jim commed Leonard directly and asked to be beamed directly to medical. He sounded okay, but the request was an obvious sign that Jim was anything but. Moments later, Jim was beamed into the medbay, manned only by Dr. McCoy and Nurse Chapel. It was apparent that something was wrong the moment Jim appeared. He was bruised and had a few cuts, which was nothing unusual for Jim. But most worrisome was the white substance staining his clothes and in his hair and his limp when he walked.

Jim still hadn’t spoken since he was beamed up. Leonard had carried out his duties perfunctorily, asking Jim to strip and collecting his clothing in an evidence bag, examining the worst of his obvious injuries, and noting the prevalence of the white substance (Leonard continued to refer to it as such, though he was fairly certain that he knew what it was). Jim was still and silent and entirely unlike himself.

“Jim,” Leonard said, breaking the silence, “I need to examine you for tearing or other injuries, and I need to collect evidence in case you decide to press charges. It may feel uncomfortable, but I will do everything I can to make it as easy and quick as possible. If anything is painful, tell me so I can take care of it.”

Jim just nodded in response. Leonard was worried about his friend, but he knew the best thing he could do right now was continue to do his job. Jim was tense, so Leonard placed one hand gently on his stomach and rubbed slow circles, saying “relax, darling.’ I promise it’s almost over.”

Jim tensed a little at the initial touch, but he didn’t flinch. And slowly he did actually relax. “I’m gonna examine you now, Jim, just keep relaxin’ for me and it’ll be over before you know it.” Leonard carefully slid a swab into Jim’s rectum to collect evidence, then he checked for any internal injuries, which fortunately were minimal. All the while, his other hand continued to rub circles on Jim’s stomach. Jim flinched a little and hissed when Leonard touched the tear, but Leonard soothed him again. “Alright,” he said when the exam was complete, “let’s get the dermal regenerator going. I’m gonna start down here. It’ll be uncomfortable, but I promise it will be over soon. And once you’re patched up, I’ll release you to your quarters.”

Jim’s discomfort was clear to Leonard, though he doubted anyone else would have seen it. No one knew Jim as well as Leonard did. Leonard resumed his earlier motion of rubbing Jim’s stomach because there was little he could do to ease the discomfort and that was one region of Jim’s body on which he didn’t need to use the dermal regenerator. It seemed to relax Jim a bit, and he spoke for the first time since he had been transported onto the Enterprise. “Feels nice, Bones.” He still looked uncomfortable, but Leonard could sense Jim’s comfort returning. And soon, the regenerator had done its work, and Jim looked pretty much as good as new. There were still a few pink lines and not-quite-faded bruises, but Jim looked much more himself.

Leonard replicated a new uniform for Jim and let him get dressed again. When Jim was dressed, Leonard released him from medical and made sure that Christine was on duty. Then he escorted his friend to his quarters. Jim looked tired, but he was no longer limping, and he seemed much more relaxed than he had initially been.

Jim had insisted that he walk to his quarters under his own steam and refused a wheelchair, not wishing to look weak. Leonard gave in because Jim had not been so severely injured as to be unable to walk to his quarters without risking further injury and his pride was important, but Jim was certainly exhausted which was why Leonard had suggested the chair in the first place. It wasn’t like there was anyone around to see Jim, or anyone would think any less of him for it, but Jim could be stubborn bastard, and Leonard knew it was better to just let him have his way. He gave in and allowed Jim his freedom, but he was prepared to offer assistance should Jim need it or catch him if he fell.

Jim made it back to his quarters, tired but still on his own two feet. He went straight to the shower, a real water one, and Leonard set out some clean boxers and pajamas for Jim and waited. And waited. Jim had been in the shower a little too long, so Leonard entered the bathroom and called his name softly.

Jim was sitting in the floor of the shower. He appeared to have finally broken down, and he let out a sob when he saw Leonard.


	2. Washing Away the Dirt (POV Jim)

As soon as Jim was in his quarters, he headed to the bathroom and turned on the shower. He switched the setting from sonics to real water and raised the temperature until it burned a bit as it hit his skin and steam rose and filled the room.

Jim wanted to get clean, but now that he was on his own for the first time since he had returned to the Enterprise, he was overwhelmed by the thoughts and feelings that flooded him. Jim broke down and sat huddled on the floor, arms wrapped around his knees, just letting the water rush over him. He may have started crying, but the falling water disguised his tears. Bones was going to leave him now. Now that he knew how broken and worthless and dirty Jim really was. He didn’t know why Bones had stuck around so long, but he wouldn’t be here any longer. Everyone left eventually.

Bones was Jim’s best friend, but even Bones didn’t know everything about Jim. He had done such a good job of hiding it, but now Bones would know, would leave. Bones would hate Jim now, he knew.

But suddenly Jim’s thoughts were interrupted by the opening of the bathroom door.

“Jim,” he heard Bones call softly. And Jim let out a sob when he saw the concern on his friend’s face.

“Why are you still here?” Jim asked.

Bones looked a little confused and taken aback by Jim’s question. “I wanted to make sure you were gonna be okay darlin’. I’ll leave if you want me to, but I figured you didn’t really want to be alone tonight.”

Jim shook his head silently, and Bones asked, “you got cleaned up yet, darlin’?”

Jim shook his head again, this time saying, “I’m sorry, Bones. I’m sorry.”

“Shh… darlin’. You got nothin’ to be sorry for. Come here; you want me to help you?” Bones asked, and Jim replied with a timid nod.

Jim’s body was wracked with sobs as he shed silent tears, but he let Bones help him to his feet. Bones pushed his sleeves up and lathered the shampoo into Jim’s hair, massaging his scalp. Then, he gently pushed Jim under the running water and rinsed his hair, continuing the massage. Then he soaped up a washcloth and ran it gently over Jim’s skin. He started with Jim’s arms and chest then moved down, kneeling as he went, bypassing his groin to scrub each leg before returning to Jim’s soft penis, which remained uninterested in becoming aroused. Bones remained entirely professional; there was nothing sexual or arousing about the situation, despite his position on his knees.

Soon Jim was clean, and Bones wrapped him in a towel before stripping off his own now-soaked clothing and grabbing a towel of his own. Fortunately, Bones and Jim had long been in the habit of leaving clothes in each other’s rooms, so Bones found some of his own clean pajamas to put on.

“Do you want me to stay, Jim?”

Jim nodded, but asked, “Why haven’t you left yet?”

“Because I care about you darlin’. It hurts me to see you hurt, and I don’t want you to have to be alone.”

“No one ever cared before; even my mom left last time,” Jim whispered.

Jim could see the shock on Bones’s face, and he realized what he had just said. But Bones recovered quickly. His expression was sad, hurt, and a multitude of other emotions Jim couldn’t name, but there was no disgust there, no sign that Bones would leave Jim. And Bones just whispered back, “I’m sorry. I promise I’m not goin’ anywhere.”


	3. Nighttime Interlude (POV Bones)

Jim had just said, “No one ever cared before; even my mom left last time.”

It took only an instant for Leonard to realize the implications of that statement. This had happened before, when Jim was young. Leonard was flooded with emotions: shock, grief, hurt, anger at those who hurt Jim.

Struck by a desire to reassure his friend, Leonard responded, “I’m sorry. I promise I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

Jim seemed convinced that Leonard was going to leave him. Jim had been alone too often before the Academy, and Leonard was determined to never let Jim be alone again. He would stay through the night, be here when Jim woke, and continue to be there for his friend for as long as he was needed.

Leonard tucked Jim into bed like a child, which Jim would probably never allow under normal circumstances but seemed too tired to fight tonight. Once Jim fell asleep—which happened pretty quickly—Leonard sat in Jim’s desk chair, turning it to face the bed.

It wasn’t long before Jim’s sleep was disturbed by a nightmare. Leonard was unsurprised, but it still pained him to see his friend suffer. He moved quickly to Jim’s bedside, calling his name softly and laying a hand gently on Jim’s shoulder.

When Jim woke, startled and still half in the dream, Leonard said, “It’s okay. You’re safe. You’re on the Enterprise. It’s just a dream, Jim.” He kept repeating these phrases over and over again as Jim calmed.

Jim was crying, though it was more controlled than earlier, just a few tear-tracks lining his face. Without thinking, Leonard gently wiped them away with his thumb. Jim leaned into the contact, apparently comforted by his friend’s presence.

“It’s okay, Jim. Let it out. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

At those words, Jim let out a single shaky sob and leaned closer to Leonard, who got up from his position kneeling in the floor to actually sit on the edge of the bed next to Jim. Once Leonard was resituated, Jim leaned over and rested his head on Leonard’s thigh. Leonard carded his fingers through Jim’s hair, petting him soothingly as he calmed again.

This time, Leonard drifted off to sleep too, hand still resting on Jim’s head.


	4. Running Away (POV Jim)

Jim woke up early in the morning and found himself lying with his head on Bones’s stomach. He had slept well after that initial nightmare, but he was still not quite himself, no matter how refreshed he was by the rest.

Without waking his friend, Jim slipped out of the room and went to look for Scotty in Engineering. Jim spent the day hidden somewhere in the depths of Engineering working on a project for Scotty, and if Bones came looking for him, Jim didn’t hear anything about it.

Jim continued to hide in Engineering for the next few days of shore leave. He had let Bones see him vulnerable, and he didn’t know how to react. So he just kept avoiding his friend. He’ll ask questions. He’ll want me to talk about it. He will have realized that I’m too broken, too dirty. I can’t be fixed. He’ll leave. These thoughts ate away at Jim but only strengthened his resolve to avoid Bones. At least this way he could end their friendship on his own terms and not have to hear Bones saying everything that he feared.

It had been a week since the attack—the rape, Jim forced himself to think—and nightmares had disturbed Jim’s sleep every night. He was lucky to get three or four hours of sleep a night. And he spent the rest of his time in Engineering, hiding from his problems. Shore leave would end in couple days, and Jim wasn’t getting any better.

Bones finally tracked Jim down and confronted him. “Jim, you can’t keep doing this to yourself. You need to eat and sleep, and you should talk to someone. You can see the ship’s psychologist or you can talk to me or another friend. I just need to know that you are dealing with this and not just running from it.”

“I’m coping, Bones. I can handle this myself. Like I said a week ago, I’ve done it before.”

“Jim you’re not coping. You aren’t sleeping. You aren’t eating. You’re in no shape to captain a starship right now. And even if you’re right and you can deal with this on your own, you don’t have to. You have friends who want to help you.”

Jim shook his head, somehow looking both vehement and distraught. “Not once they know. They all leave.”

“Jim, I can’t speak for anyone else, but I can tell you that no matter what, I’m not leaving. You are not alone, Jim. You’re never going to be alone again.”

Jim was sobbing by this point, curled in on himself. He felt Bones sit next to him and wrap his arms tight around Jim. After an involuntary flinch at the contact, Jim leaned into his friend’s warmth. He was tired, exhausted. He couldn’t keep going any longer, and for some unfathomable reason Bones was still there.

“You don’t know everything, Bones.”

“Doesn’t matter. I’m here, whatever you tell me. Or don’t tell me. It’s your choice, darlin’. Always. But you need to talk to someone. If you don’t want it to be me, then I can set up an appointment for you with the ship’s psychologist, or you can talk to another friend. Just, please Jim, talk to someone. Don’t keep bottling this all up. I’m worried about you, darlin’.”

Jim sobbed harder and shifted closer to Bones, and within moments he was asleep, his exhausted body giving out. Unfortunately, even his total exhaustion was not enough to keep the nightmares away. His sleep was anything but restful, plagued by nightmares, some of his own imagining, but many, many more memories, all the more terrifying for the fact they were real. But he was so tired that he slept on, trapped in memories of horrors long passed.


	5. Nightmares (POV Bones)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a fairly brief mention of a past rape in this chapter. Nothing graphic yet, but I thought a warning would be good.

Leonard lay curled around Jim protectively. Leonard carded his fingers through his friend’s hair and pulled him close. Jim was exhausted. He had practically collapsed on Leonard, tears slowing as his body finally gave in to the sleep it so desperately needed. It was an enormous show of trust on Jim’s part to be so relaxed around Leonard, and he was honored. Whether consciously or unconsciously, Jim felt safe enough around Leonard to let his guard down and rest.

Leonard wasn’t sure how long he sat there, holding his friend, but he was pulled from his reverie by a whimpering noise. Jim shifted slightly against Leonard and let out another pitiful sound. He was clearly experiencing some kind of nightmare. Leonard was loath to wake him from his much needed rest, but it hurt to see his friend suffering. So, he did what he could and held Jim close, whispering words of assurance in his ear and carding gentle fingers through his hair. Leonard didn’t know if Jim could hear him or if it would help, but he was determined to do whatever he could. Jim shifted again and took a minute to calm, but he settled back into more restful sleep soon.

This pattern continued for most of the night. Jim would sometimes seem to be half awake, sometimes still fully lost in sleep, but each time, a word and gentle touch from Leonard would be enough for him to settle. But sometime in the early hours of the morning, Jim seemed to be trapped in a nightmare even worse than the previous ones. He thrashed rather than merely shifting in the bed, and nothing Leonard did could calm him. Tears began to stream down Jim’s face, and Leonard could hear him mumbling indecipherably.

“Jim,” Leonard said, “darlin’, wake up. It’s a dream. You’re safe. You’re on the Enterprise.” He gently shook Jim as he spoke, hoping to pull him from the nightmare.

Jim thrashed violently once more, the indecipherable words suddenly becoming clear, “No! Stop, Please! Don’t!” Then Jim jerked up, eyes open and wet. He nearly instantly leaned over and vomited on the floor next to the bed, gagging and sobbing.

Leonard helped his friend to the bathroom and settled him in the floor by the toilet as he continued to retch. He rubbed Jim’s back soothingly as he emptied the meagre contents of his stomach into the toilet.

When Jim seemed to be done, Leonard pulled him back to lean against Leonard’s chest as he closed the lid and flushed the mess. Jim turned and pressed his face into Leonard’s neck. Leonard could feel wet heat on his collar from Jim’s tears, but he just held him close whispering, “It’s okay. Let it out darlin’.”

A few minutes later, Jim settled, and Leonard shifted away to grab a wet washcloth. He cleaned Jim carefully and asked if Jim wanted to shower. When he received a nod, Leonard got the shower running, just hot enough, and helped Jim out of his clothes and into the shower.

While Jim was cleaning himself, Leonard went back into the bedroom to clean the mess in the floor and replace the sheets. It didn’t take long, and when he was done, he found a clean pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt for Jim to wear. By the time he was done, Jim had just turned off the shower, so Leonard set the clothes on the bathroom counter and slipped back into the bedroom, giving Jim a moment of privacy.

Leonard listened to the muffled sounds of Jim getting dressed and the sink turning on and off for him to brush his teeth. When Jim exited the bathroom, he looked young and tired. He shuffled silently towards Leonard and crawled up onto the bed next to him, curling into his friend’s body heat.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Leonard asked as he petted Jim.

“When I was 12, I was having some issues at home, and my mom sent me to live with my aunt and uncle. I was happy for the first time in a long time. But it wasn’t long before things started going wrong. A mysterious bacterium infecting the crops was causing food shortages. At first we were told not to worry, and supplies were rationed while we waited for relief from the Federation. But people panicked, and the Federation didn’t seem to be showing up. The governor made his proclamation about his plan, and there was utter chaos everywhere. My aunt and uncle told me to run and hide, and I was joined by a few other kids from my school. Those of us who were older helped find other children and bring them into the group and we raided abandoned buildings and foraged for food. But Starfleet still hadn’t arrived and we were getting hungry and desperate. We started taking risks, and I got caught by some high ranking government official. He let me live and offered me food on one condition. As I said, we were desperate, and I was naïve enough not to really understand what he wanted at first. I told him yes, and I left feeling dirtier than I ever had in my life but carrying enough food for all the younger ones to go to bed with a full stomach. I tried to forget that it happened, but we got desperate again soon, and I knew what I had to do. I went back to the man and offered myself to him and his friends in exchange for food. Sometimes they were kind and gentle; sometimes they were rough and hurt me. I don’t know which was better. Eventually Starfleet came, and we went back to Earth.”

Jim stopped speaking there, but Leonard could tell that this wasn’t the end of the story somehow. So he just pulled Jim close and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “I’m sorry,” he whispered into Jim’s hair, “I’m sorry that you had to go through that.”

Leonard could feel the wet heat of Jim’s tears once again, and he could feel his own tears running down his face. He could only imagine what it must have been like for a young, naïve Jim. So hungry and desperate that he had let himself be raped in exchange for food. And it was definitely rape; whether he had said the word yes or not, Jim was nowhere near old enough and in no condition to consent to sex. And the ‘kind and gentle’ ones, as Jim had called them, had clearly done a number on him. Jim’s body had probably reacted pleasurably to the unfamiliar physical stimuli, and he felt guilty for being sickened by something that his body told him he clearly enjoyed. Leonard wanted to be ill right there, but that wasn’t what Jim needed.

Instead, Leonard just held his friend close, running a hand through Jim's hair and down his back as they sat in silence, neither one able to sleep again just yet.


	6. Needing Space

Jim woke in a panic, frantically clawing at his blankets. His breath was coming in gasps, and tears began to stream down his face. Suddenly Bones was there in front of him, telling him to breathe, to focus on Bones, that Jim was safe. It seemed unnecessarily difficult to draw in a deep breath and release it again. Logically, Jim knew that he was safe, that he was on board his ship, but part of his brain was still convinced that only seconds ago he had been on Tarsus. His skin crawled. He needed to shower. Needed to feel clean again.

“I’m okay, Bones,” he said, doing his best to sound calm. His friend gave him a look which said quite clearly that he doubted that, but he didn’t say anything. “Really, Bones, I just need to take a shower. I’m fine. It’s not like I’ve never had a nightmare before.” _Please, Bones_ , he thought, _please, just go, leave me alone_.

The look didn’t go away, but Bones just said, “okay, Jim. Why don’t you meet me for breakfast in half an hour?”

“Yeah,” Jim said quickly, feeling like he wasn’t quite managing to hold himself together.

Bones gave him one more suspicious look before leaving. Jim raced to the shower the moment the door closed.

He turned on the water, getting in without really checking the temperature, grabbing a washcloth. He needed to be _clean_ again.

***

“I guess I missed breakfast,” Jim said groggily upon seeing that he was in sickbay with Bones standing over him looking worried.As he was becoming more conscious, he vaguely remembered Bones finding him in the shower, water cold, scratching at his skin. He wasn’t sure how long it had been since then, or how long he had been in the shower before Bones found him. But Jim was warm and dry now, and the scratches seemed to have been healed; there were only a few pink lines visible on his arms.

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m pumping you with all the nutrients you missed right now,” Bones said, gesturing towards an IV.

Jim glowered a bit, feeling infinitely more put together than he had that morning. “Will I at least be allowed to eat my lunch properly?”

Jim could tell--though it probably wasn’t visible to anyone else--that Bones relaxed minutely at Jim’s… _Jim-like_ behavior, though he was still clearly tense. “If you can stay conscious till lunch time, then be my guest. But you are staying here until I’ve cleared you.”

Jim was not exactly a fan of extended stays in medical on his best day, and today there was no way he was staying any longer than absolutely necessary, even if it meant sneaking out while Bones was in his office.

Bones seemed to perceive his oncoming panic and forestalled it. “Sorry, Jim. If you can finish that IV and eat lunch with me, you can go, but I really would like to keep you under observation for 24 hours. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

And Jim took it as the compromise that it was, having absolutely zero intention of following through when he agreed, “okay. I can do that.”

Sticking around for a couple hours till lunchtime wasn’t too bad. No one else was around, and Bones mostly just sat near him and filled out paperwork. He even let Jim use a PADD to do his own paperwork and play games, and they ate a proper lunch, not the usual shit he gave Jim when he was a patient.

Jim almost felt bad when he gave Bones the slip later and escaped to Engineering, but he needed his space.

In the bowels of his ship, Jim was able to relax, to think clearly. If Jim hadn’t been captain, he probably would have been an engineer. Scotty was the only one who really understood how he felt about machines. There was something about them that just made sense. It was math, it was a puzzle, and Jim could see where each piece was meant to fit into the next. It was soothing, in a way. And so Jim buried himself in puzzles in the depths of the ship.


	7. Warmth and Anger (POV Bones)

Jim was definitely not okay when he woke up, no matter what he said, but Leonard tried to act as normal as possible and give Jim a little space. He could hear the captain running to his bathroom and turning on the water shower from the hallway. Jim might be captain, but even he had a limited amount of water ration credits, and at this rate he was going to use them all this week. Leonard sighed as made his way back to his own room a few doors down, where he took his own _sonic_ shower and put on a clean uniform.

As he walked down the hallway to the mess, he heard the telltale sound of running water still emanating from Jim’s bathroom and detoured into the captain’s room.

“Jim!” he called out, but there was no response. “Jim!” More silence. Clearly something was wrong. He made his way across the room to the bathroom and opened the door. The sight that greeted him was a sadly familiar one; one he had seen just earlier that same week. Jim was curled up in the floor of his shower, this time scrubbing frantically at his already raw skin. Leonard reached in to stop him and flinched at the water temperature. It was freezing, so he reached over to adjust that with his other hand, soaking his sleeves and muttering about rescuing the kid from showers.

Jim clearly didn’t have a clue what was going on. He appeared to be in a dissociative state. He had initially panicked when Leonard had grabbed his wrist, but some part of Jim had apparently recognized him as not-a-threat. Once Jim had been stopped, he became surprisingly pliable long enough to get him out of the shower and partly dry, then had promptly passed out on Leonard.

Leonard called for a gurney and transported the kid to medical and even ran a dermal regenerator over some of his self-inflicted scratches and got him hooked up to an IV before Jim woke up again.

Jim seemed much more himself, saying something that might have been meant to be a joke about missing breakfast if Leonard hadn’t been so damn worried. But he just pointed out the IV line and made his usually semi-witty retort, trying to keep things as normal as possible. Jim’s response made it clear that he was feeling much more like himself, and Leonard felt some of the tension leave his body.

But he clearly wasn’t as recovered as he liked to pretend he was. Leonard sensed Jim’s oncoming panic at the prospect of being trapped in medical any longer than absolutely necessary and was honestly surprised that he even managed to get the kid to agree to stay long enough to finish the IV bag.

So Leonard was absolutely _not_ surprised when Jim didn’t even bother to check himself out before disappearing after lunch. At least he had stayed that long. Leonard just sighed and got on with his work for the day.

That didn’t stop him from worrying, though. Or from contemplating the information Jim had shared about his past. Leonard wanted to find and personally strangle every single person who had ever hurt Jim. Sure the kid could be annoying sometimes, but Leonard loved him. And the idea that Jim had been hurt so badly and been so alone as a child made Leonard want to simultaneously punch something and hug the kid. Maybe even time travel back to when he was an actual kid and give him a hug then. It was clear even before now that young Jim Kirk had been starved for affection. Leonard had figured out pretty quickly that Jim’s tactile nature and playboy tendencies were born of a desire for human contact.

Leonard tried to banish Jim from his thoughts and get on with the day’s work but was only marginally successful and left mentally exhausted at the end of the day, having accomplished only about half of what he had planned to get done and still so angry at the people who had hurt Jim that he could feel it under his skin like an itch. He barely paid any attention to whatever he ate for dinner and crashed in his bed the moment he had changed out of his uniform.

***

He was woken later that night, confused at what had woken him until he heard someone shuffling around the room and felt his mattress dip as they crawled into his bed. For anyone else this might have been cause for panic, but Leonard would recognize Jim anywhere. And figuring his friend probably wouldn’t take kindly to any questions, he just pretended to sleep through the entire thing, simply shifting into a more comfortable position as Jim settled in next to him. And minutes later he drifted off to sleep again.

When he woke alone the next morning, it seemed that it could almost have been a dream except for the still warm indentation in the mattress. Leonard smiled a little at the memory of Jim sneaking in in the middle of the night just to sleep in Leonard’s bed. He wished the kid had stayed 'til Leonard had woken, but he wasn’t surprised that he hadn’t.


End file.
